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Humor

The Microsoft Commandments

Submitted by Roy Schestowitz on Monday 13th of May 2019 04:07:26 PM Filed under
Humor

Microsoft B0rg

  1. Thou shalt not host a FOSS project outside GitHub (otherwise it won’t ‘count’)
  2. Thou shalt not edit code without Visual Studio (which now has an “open” — albeit spying and malicious — component for openwashing purposes)
  3. Thou shalt not code without .NET (or Mono)
  4. Thou shalt not use a voting machine without Windows (we have just announced some openwashing component to make up for the NSA back doors that compromise elections worldwide)
  5. Thou shalt not boot GNU/Linux as a standalone operating system (UEFI might not permit this anyway, unless we sign for approval)
  6. Thou shalt not get get a GNU/Linux distribution outside our Store
  7. Thou shalt not buy a computer without Windows preinstalled; those are “naked PCs” and everyone who buys such PCs is a “pirate”
  8. Thou shalt not disparage or even publicly criticise our staff (that would be in violation of GitHub rules, a Code of Conduct, T&C and so on)
  9. Thou shalt not report back doors in our software or leak NSA tools that take advantage of these (there’s a prison sentence for doing so)
  10. Thou shalt not write in mass media things that refute our narrative (proving that we are chronic liars); we would bribe the publication using advertising money and have you sacked
  11. Thou shalt not use open formats such as OpenDocument except inside Microsoft Office, which is incompatible with all other software (by design)
  12. Thou shalt not distribute Linux without paying Microsoft for patents; we’re still suing companies (in 2019) for having the audacity to do so
  13. Thou shalt not host a site or a service outside Azure; we'd sic patent trolls at you
  14. Thou shalt not oppose Microsoft’s lock-in and proprietary software shims inside Linux; we’d send our media partners (Condé Nast) to oust you, at least for a month if not permanently
  15. Thou shalt not report our crimes to the authorities; doing so would make you a “toxic”, “intolerant” person
  16. Thou shalt not use the GPL unless all other options have been exhausted
  17. Thou shalt not adopt a Web browser other than MSIE or our rebranded Chrome, also known as Edge; we’d occasionally tinker with your computer’s settings to remind you to quit using other browsers or refuse the download of such “malware”
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Observations of a Egotistical Technical Elitist

Submitted by fieldyweb on Wednesday 15th of February 2012 11:07:05 PM Filed under
Humor

Lets be honest, the title alone sets the tone of this post, so please no comments stating i'm an elitist snob, because this i'm am keenly aware of. However a touch of honesty now and again does tend to go a long way.

So what's the problem? Well there are more than one and they grind me down on a daily basis, so it's time to air them here and these are all tech issues..

So lets start with...

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2012 Year of the Linux Desktop

Submitted by Nux on Monday 2nd of January 2012 04:49:33 PM Filed under
Humor

I declare 2012 the Year of the Linux Desktop! At least on my computer. Smile

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Happy Birthday Susan aka srlinuxx

Submitted by Texstar on Sunday 1st of January 2012 03:02:59 AM Filed under
Humor

Happy Birthday Susan aka srlinuxx!!! I can't believe you are 39 yet again! Big Grin Hope you have a great day and a prosperous New Year.

»

Big oops! Leo Laporte posts love affair online.

Submitted by Texstar on Friday 23rd of December 2011 09:35:08 PM Filed under
Humor

Big oops!!! Leo Laporte delivers technology advice to millions managed to broadcast an explicit Google chat with his lover, exposing the affair he's apparently been carrying on with his CEO.

http://gawker.com/5870610/how-the-voice-of-tech-leaked-his-own-sex-chat

Looks like someone has been very very naughty! LOL

»

Find His Porn: Evil Website of the Week

Submitted by fieldyweb on Thursday 1st of December 2011 08:46:47 PM Filed under
Humor

Just found this on Read Write Web...

Here's our nominee for most evil Web service of the week:FindHisPorn.com. For a one-time low price of $49.99 only $19.95! Limited time offer!, you can allow a dubious piece of Java voodoo onto your PC (Windows only) and let it scrape the contents of your hard drive and show you all the porn it finds. It's just perfect for spying on that special someone in your life.

Find His Porn is cynically exploiting the paranoid and freaked-out, violating privacy, jeopardizing security and taking people's money. It has been created under a total veil of secrecy. Oh, it's also "perfect for ✓ Boyfriends, ✓ Husbands and ✓ Kids" with the "goal of empowering women everywhere." With its marketing finely tuned, Find His Porn profits off of people's engrained norms, broken trust and technical ignorance

Read more...

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*A Cow based Economics Lesson;

Submitted by fieldyweb on Wednesday 30th of November 2011 11:05:10 PM Filed under
Humor

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

There are more...

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Mozilla forms partnership with Tylenol

Submitted by Texstar on Saturday 2nd of July 2011 01:04:57 AM Filed under
Humor

Firefox product manager Asa Dotzler said today that Mozilla has formed a partnership with Tylenol. This is in response to the business community after complaints that Mozilla's new "Rapid Release" development cycle will cause headaches for IT managers. So starting today all users who download Firefox 5.0 will also get a coupon for a discount off of Tylenol's "Rapid Release" Gel tablets.

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Truths

Submitted by srlinuxx on Thursday 23rd of June 2011 06:30:48 PM Filed under
Humor

My sister forwarded this to me and since things are so dismal in the world these days, I thought a few chuckles might be the order of the day.

»

Happy Holidays

Submitted by srlinuxx on Thursday 30th of December 2010 04:18:37 PM Filed under
Humor

To All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

»
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More in Tux Machines

Glen Barber: Statement regarding employment change and roles in the [FreeBSD] Project

Dear FreeBSD community:

As I have a highly-visible role within the community, I want to share
some news.  I have decided the time has come to move on from my role
with the FreeBSD Foundation, this Friday being my last day.  I have
accepted a position within a prominent company that uses and produces
products based on FreeBSD.

My new employer has included provisions within my job description that
allow me to continue supporting the FreeBSD Project in my current
roles, including Release Engineering.

There are no planned immediate changes with how this pertains to my
roles within the Project and the various teams of which I am a member.

FreeBSD 11.3 and 12.1 will continue as previously scheduled, with no
impact as a result of this change.

I want to thank everyone at the FreeBSD Foundation for providing the
opportunity to serve the FreeBSD Project in my various roles, and their
support for my decision.

I look forward to continue supporting the FreeBSD Project in my various
roles moving forward.

Glen
Read more Also: FreeBSD's Release Engineering Lead Departs The Foundation

There's A Professional Grade Digital Cinema Camera Powered By Linux

Digital camera startup Octopus Cinema has been designing the "OCTOPUSCAMERA" as a digital cinema camera that's professional grade yet is an open platform with removable/upgradeable parts and this camera platform itself is running Linux. The OCTOPUSCAMERA supports up to 5K full frame recording, weighs less than 1kg, and is powered by Linux. It's a rather ambitious device and they aim to be shipping in 2020. Read more Also: Old Linus Torvalds is back: Linux page caching sparks 'bulls**t' outburst [Ed: Anti-Linux writers of the CBS tabloid ZDNet are mobbing Torvalds into silence again]

Android Leftovers

One Mix Yoga 3 mini laptop demostrated running Ubuntu

If you are in interested in seeing how the Ubuntu Linux operating system runs on the new One Mix Yoga 3 mini laptop. You are sure to be interested in the new video created by Brad Linder over at Liliputing. “ I posted some notes about what happened when I took Ubuntu 19.04 for a spin on the One Mix 3 Yoga in my first-look article, but plenty of folks who watched my first look video on YouTube asked for a video… so I made one of those too.” The creators of the One Mix Yoga 3 have made it fairly easy to boot an alternative operating system simply by plugging in a bootable flash drive or USB storage device. As the mini laptop is powering up simply hit the delete key and you will be presented by the BIOS/UEFI menu. Simply change the boot priority order so that the computer will boot from a USB device and you are in business. Read more

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