Language Selection

English French German Italian Portuguese Spanish

Registrygate Coverup Revealed

Filed under
Humor

The Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) has just received word of the most shocking coverup by Microsoft to hit our radar since last week. An internal Microsoft memo, discovered taped to the inside of a Papa John's pizza box (double cheese, double pepperoni, and mushroom), reveals a truth that Linux-heads and other intelligent lifeforms have long suspected: The Windows Registry doesn't exist.

There is no organized, tiered, manageable representation of Windows' resources and environment. There is nothing -- absolutely nothing -- at the heart of Windows.

The memo in question reveals the ugly truth that Microsoft has kept hidden for over a decade. Late in 1994, during the "still alpha after all these years" phase of Windows 95 development, a clandestine operator identified only as the Tuxinator, who was at that time employed as a Rigged Demo Development Engineer Architect in the 32-Bits-or-Bust Bureau at Microsoft, planted a single insidious command into the Stamp-'Em-Out-o-matic CD burner that Redmond then used to produce all distributions of its nascent OS.

The details of that command, shocking though they are, make up only the shell of this plot. At its kernel is an even more appalling, and even more closely guarded, instruction set.

The command that made Windows what it is today, the memo reveals, is: punchline >

More in Tux Machines

today's howtos

Linux and Linux Foundation

KDE and GNOME

Debian Family

  • Devuan GNU/Linux 1.0.0 "Jessie" Just Around the Corner, Release Candidate Out
    It's been five almost five months since the developers behind the Debian-based Devuan GNU/Linux operating system launched the second Beta version towards the first stable release of the OS, and they now announced the Release Candidate. The Devuan project continues its vision of providing a libre Debian fork without using the systemd init system, and the Release Candidate (RC) version brings the GNU/Linux distribution closer to a final release. The interesting fact is that this RC appears to be stable enough to be used for production work.
  • Budgie 10.3 Released, Here’s How to Install it on Ubuntu
    A new version of the Budgie desktop is available to install on Ubuntu. Budgie 10.3 adds a new Alt+Tab switcher, and brings a stack of bug fixes to the table.
  • Ubuntu 17.10 Codename Released "Artful Aardvark"
  • openHAB
    Partners Canonical, openHAB Foundation and Azul Systems have collaborated hard to drive development of the new openHAB 2.0 smart-home platform as a snap package. An alternative to Apple Homekit and Samsung SmartThings, openHAB from openHAB Foundation is completely free and open source, and acts as a control hub for home IoT setups.