Windows Hasta La Vista - Ironclad Security
It has been three long years to the day since we last looked at that unusual distribution called Windows. Although at that time it was considered by many to be little else than a bizarre joke (who on earth would design an operating system that doesn't provide a way to grep files?), a recent rumour about a new release has piqued our curiosity.
Fortunately, Windows XP was still installed on my hard drive. Windows correctly detected the presence of a Linux partition, and the built-in Microsoft Snitchware immediately reported the situation to the Department of Homeland Security. Since installing Linux was a violation of my parole, I was arrested by the FBI and sentenced to a further two years in a federal penitentiary.
All this might sound tragic, but really, it's not. In the end, things worked out for the best. After only one year in prison, I became eligible for a new experimental rehabilitation program. I am happy to report that it's been a great success! After receiving counselling, medication, electroshock therapy and a prefrontal lobotomy, I am once again a happy Windows user.