Language Selection

English French German Italian Portuguese Spanish

Quench your thirst for knowledge

Filed under
Humor

Think fruity. Think refreshing.

Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink™ technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex. Plus, it's low in carbs! And with flavors ranging from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you'll never run out of ways to quench your thirst for knowledge.

How to get Gulped?

You can pick up your own supply of this "limited release" product simply by turning in a used Gulp Cap at your local grocery store. How to get a Gulp Cap? Well, if you know someone who's already been "gulped," they can give you one. And if you don't know anyone who can give you one, don't worry – that just means you aren't cool. But very, very (very!) soon, you will be.

Google Gulp and Your Privacy

From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp's usefulness for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex™, a heavily guarded, massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt, who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear. See our Privacy Policy.

Source.

More in Tux Machines

Mozilla involves the community in its “open-source” rebrand

Mozilla is bending the terms of the rebrand with a “branding without walls” open-source initiative. Read more

RPi 3 add-on loads up on sensors, wireless radios

Matrix Labs’s FPGA-driven “Matrix Creator” IoT daughter board for the Raspberry Pi 3 is loaded with sensors, 802.15.4 radios, and a mic array. The disc-shaped Matrix Creator add-on for the Raspberry Pi is based on AdMobilize’s successfully Kickstartered Matrix home automation and surveillance hub. AdMobilize spun off Matrix Labs, which has now built this cheaper, board-level version of the product. Read more

Canonical Releases Snapcraft 2.12 Snaps Creator with New Parts Ecosystem, More

Today, June 29, 2016, Canonical has had the great pleasure of announcing the release of the highly anticipated Snapcraft 2.12 Snappy creator tool for the Ubuntu Linux operating system. Read more

AMDGPU-PRO Driver 16.30 Officially Released with Support for Ubuntu 16.04 LTS

Today, June 29, 2016, AMD released the final version of the AMDGPU-Pro 16.30 graphics driver for GNU/Linux operating systems, bringing support for new technologies like the Vulkan API. Read more