Language Selection

English French German Italian Portuguese Spanish

There Is NO Neo-Con Conspiracy

Filed under

There is no conspiracy. The Neo-Conservative Wing of the Republican Party, the Brainwashing Wing of the FOX Network, and the Evil Wing of Microsoft [1] have not formed an alliance to achieve world domination. There is no dark, sinister plot by our media overlords to brainwash the American public. These rumors are simply not true.

Well, actually, they might be. We have, indeed, received evidence of a massive GOP-FOX-MSFT trifecta. But we don't want our media overlords to read the rest of this story. Thankfully, the average Neo-Con only skims headlines and soundbites, while ignoring anything of substance. With our bogus headline and introduction, the coast should now be clear to reveal Microsoft Conspiracy Theory 2.59e17, the most diabolic conspiracy theory in the history of diabolical conspiracy theories.

An anonymous source, code-named "Deep Cache" (not his real code name), arranged a clandestine meeting with this reporter at a location known only as "The Android's Dungeon" (not its real code name). While sucking on a cigarette and hiding in the shadows, Deep Cache revealed the conspiracy.

"Neo-Conservatives and Microsoft have united to pursue their ghastly agenda," he said. "It's a perfect match. With some help from the media, the group has found the perfect recipe for world domination."

I was very skeptical at first. After all, Microsoft conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen. Humorix has used them as filler material for almost 7 years. What I needed was proof.

After seeing my negative reaction, Deep Cache thrashed wildly and shouted, "Do I have to thunk it for you? It's as plain as the tracks on your drive, dudette. Microsoft has always wanted to control the world. The Neo-Cons have always wanted to really, really control the world. They share the same agenda! Can't you see? The era of Plug-and-Play Politics is upon us! They must be stopped! Do you want this country to end up as the world's biggest buffer overflow?"

"Uh... no," I said, hoping to avoid another thrashing episode.

"Come on, now -- don't tell me you can't see the parallels in their processes. It's so obvious! Do I have to draw you a picture? OK, fine, I will!"

At this point Deep Cache made a sketch showing the similarities between Microsoft and the Neo-Conservative Movement. It looked something like this:

Full Story.

More in Tux Machines

TheSSS 20.0 Server-Oriented Linux Distro Ships with Linux Kernel 4.4.17, PHP 5.6

4MLinux developer Zbigniew Konojacki informs Softpedia today, October 26, 2016, about the release and immediate availability of version 20.0 of his server-oriented TheSSS (The Smallest Server Suite) GNU/Linux distribution. Read more

Ubuntu 17.04 (Zesty Zapus) Daily Build ISO Images Are Now Available for Download

Now that the upcoming Ubuntu 17.04 (Zesty Zapus) operating system is officially open for development, the first daily build ISO images have published in the usual places for early adopters and public testers. Read more

Today in Techrights

OSS Leftovers

  • Chain Releases Open Source Blockchain Solution for Banks
    Chain, a San Francisco-based Blockchain startup, launched the Chain Core Developer Edition, which is a distributed ledger infrastructure built for banks and financial institutions to utilize the Blockchain technology in mainstream finance. Similar to most cryptocurrency networks like Bitcoin, developers and users are allowed to run their applications and platforms on the Chain Core testnet, a test network sustained and supported by leading institutions including Microsoft and the Initiative for Cryptocurrency and Contracts (IC3), which is operated by Cornell University, UC Berkeley and University of Illinois.
  • Netflix Upgrades its Powerful "Chaos Monkey" Open Cloud Utility
    Few organizations have the cloud expertise that Netflix has, and it may come as a surprise to some people to learn that Netflix regularly open sources key, tested and hardened cloud tools that it has used for years. We've reported on Netflix open sourcing a series of interesting "Monkey" cloud tools as part of its "simian army," which it has deployed as a series satellite utilities orbiting its central cloud platform. Netflix previously released Chaos Monkey, a utility that improves the resiliency of Software as a Service by randomly choosing to turn off servers and containers at optimized tims. Now, Netflix has announced the upgrade of Chaos Monkey, and it's worth checking in on this tool.
  • Coreboot Lands More RISC-V / lowRISC Code
    As some early post-Coreboot 4.5 changes are some work to benefit fans of the RISC-V ISA.
  • Nextcloud Advances with Mobile Moves
    The extremely popular ownCloud open source file-sharing and storage platform for building private clouds has been much in the news lately. CTO and founder of ownCloud Frank Karlitschek resigned from the company a few months ago. His open letter announcing the move pointed to possible friction created as ownCloud moved forward as a commercial entity as opposed to a solely community focused, open source project. Karlitschek had a plan, though. He is now out with a fork of ownCloud called Nextcloud, and we've reported on strong signs that this cloud platform has a bright future. In recent months, the company has continued to advance Nextcloud. Along with Canonical and Western Digital, the partners have launched an Ubuntu Core Linux-based cloud storage and Internet of Things device called Nextcloud Box, which we covered here. Now, Nextcloud has moved forward with some updates to its mobile strategy. Here are details.
  • Using Open Source for Data
    Bryan Liles, from DigitalOcean, explains about many useful open source big data tools in this eight minute video. I learned about Apache Mesos, Apache Presto, Google Kubernetes and more.