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Baby's First Laptop

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My baby is turning 1. It's time to get her a laptop.

This is pretty self-evident to me, but not to the American Academy of Pediatrics, which recommends "no screen time" for children under 2 and at most 1 or 2 hours daily for kids.

You see, screens are evil. Screens are pernicious, soul-destroying things that, if left unchecked, will turn our daughters into half-blind, obese little monkeys who obsessively IM sexual predators while watching reruns of "My Super Sweet 16." At age 6.


For kids learning to navigate 21st-century society, computers and media are just as important as balls, books, and baby dolls.

One of my daughter's toddler friends already has a laptop — his parents' cast-off — running Edubuntu, a Linux-based OS made for kids.

Edubuntu comes with kiddie educational applications, including one that mimics the legendary Kid Pix, a truly awesome children's drawing program that dates back to the 1990s. (Kid Pix, I'm happy to say, is still going strong; you can buy the new version for $25 for Windows or Mac machines.)

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re: Baby's first laptop

What a load of crap.

I feel sorry for his baby, who has to endure a father that thinks his geek-ness gives him magical knowledge that exceeds the extensive (statistically accurate) knowledge base of the AAP when it comes to child development.

There's numerous reasons for the guideline, none involve turning the next generation of kids into evil anti-techies.

In America, get married - requires a license, drive - requires a license, gun - requires a license, but have a child - breed away, requiring a license would smack too much of eugenics (and would deny the adoring American taxpayers the joy of raising other peoples families thru the oh so effective welfare system).

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